Only a Homemaker?

by P.R.Viswanathan

[box]The role of a homemaker is not as valueless as it is made out to be. P.R.Viswanathan feels that it is perception that shapes preferences. Read on to find out his perspectives on the status of women in the society and the role of a homemaker.[/box]

I am a “cool” guy when it comes to attitude towards women and I have my wife’s permission to say so.

“Cool”, that was one of the finest compliments I have received in my life, coming as it did from both my daughters. They were talking about my attitude towards them, their mother and women in general and it came after they had both spent time away from home – in places as diverse as Chennai and Austin, U.S. My wife vetted it; she would not have, of course, originated such praise herself.

In reality, ours is a fairly traditional household. My wife doesn’t have a commercial job; she has been a homemaker ever since we got married. She does all the household chores. I help only in times of need. I would like to say that I have always had a healthy respect for women, admiration for their devotion to family and for the work that they do as homemakers. And they can do as well as men or better in any profession. All these feelings have been greatly reinforced in recent years with my entry into the field of microfinance which involves extending loans to poor women in the slums of Mumbai.

All the same, men’s attitude towards women and the status of women in society, is indeed a complex issue.

The complex issue

The human penchant for taking extreme positions, making sweeping generalizations and jumping on to the bandwagon of the moment has been the bane of society through the ages, particularly in modern times. Consider any of the issues that have agitated mankind in the last two hundred years – industry vs. agriculture, the urban-rural divide, reservations/affirmative action for depressed classes or private enterprise vs. state control. Those who carry the day are the ones mouthing catchy, meaningless, rhetoric and loud protestations of support for the cause that is in fashion. Intelligent debate, which can only result from a dispassionate approach, then, becomes well-nigh impossible.

Nowhere is this phenomenon more clearly evident than in debates or writings on the subject of women’s liberation, feminism – generally the position of women in society. For example, any suggestion that certain occupations suit the men better is met with a violent dismissal. One seldom hears any reasoned refutation. On the other hand, you can be sure of applause if you say that women are superior managers because of their ability to multi-task and their intuition. The point here is not whether these statements are true. There is indeed more than a grain of truth. What is a cause for concern is the kind of reactions they draw. Can we not discuss the possibility that women may not be best suited to, say, combat forces in the army? Must we insist that women are actually superior in management to men? Is it not more reasonable to start from a position that both sexes are equal?

Here’s one reason why I think this issue is complex. Today we condemn suggestions of male superiority in any area. By implication, we cannot then logically take a stand that women are superior in any field. And what does one say of the fact that some of the characteristics displayed by men and women are precisely on account of their present status in society? For example, men are often accused of appraising women from only one angle viz. physical beauty – as sex objects. The plethora of magazines like Playboy and Penthouse, cabarets and dance bars are living testimony to this dirty aspect of men. Even in the matter of selecting a life partner, men are said to be guided only by looks. A woman on the other hand looks at more solid aspects such as income and the ability of the man to be a good father etc.

However, in recent times, we have had some interesting insights into female behaviour. There was a survey which revealed that financially successful women want good-looking men. One also hears of bachelorette parties thrown by women (needless to say from higher strata of society) at which male strippers are invited. So the question arises: are these traits, so condemned in men, gender-based, or do they reflect financial success/independence combined with one’s upbringing, family values and so forth?

Yes, feminism or women’s liberation deserves our whole-hearted support. However, one often finds that when such a cause is espoused in the public domain, symbolic gestures are made in response with no change in the underlying attitudes, which should be our main concern.

We should be clear on what exactly we mean by women’s liberation. There are so many injustices meted out to women – lack of nutrition and health care, lack of education, early marriage, bad treatment of widows etc. All these are crimes in greater or lesser degree. And then we have that most horrific of crimes – female foeticide. In a civil society, such issues should not be even up for discussion; the absence of these issues is the least we should expect. Women’s liberation does not refer to the correction of these gross injustices. Even in the more advanced societies where such injustices do not exist, we have women’s liberation movements. Such movements seek to improve the status of women in society with a view to bringing it on par with that of men, in terms of the right to choose a career and nature of jobs etc.

Career or Homemaker?

Probably the most important aspect of this issue is that of career. More than anything else, it is engagement in a commercial career that sets men and women of substance apart. A homemaker, who cooks, cleans and cares for the children, is regarded as ordinary, run-of-the mill. The work she does is routine, dull, not requiring exercise of the intellect. Haven’t we heard some of them introduce themselves at an office party apologetically: “I am only a homemaker.”? Only?! Consider the variety of tasks that she handles in the first place. Cooking, cleaning, laundering, keeping an eye on the provisions and making sure you don’t run out of coffee or dal or whatever, supervising the maid in some of these tasks and above all, children – feeding, clothing and comforting them, teaching them and listening to them. No skills required? Each of these tasks demands intelligence, presence of mind and enormous patience. And let us not forget that the homemaker needs to transit from one job to the other and does so with practiced ease. In the ordinary commercial workplace, more often than not, there is specialization and most people attend to a single task and spend a lifetime making it sound very complex.

In the workplace, the “boring, low-skilled” tasks of the homemaker go by such names as administration (cooking and cleaning), inventory management (keeping an eye on the provisions) and HR (supervising the maid). As for children, would any of us want to devalue a parent’s task by comparing it with anything in an office or factory even at the level of Ratan Tata?  Essentially, what it amounts to is this: the role of a homemaker is invaluable so she doesn’t get paid anything. But, we have moved in a facile and imbecile manner from invaluable to valueless.

So how do feminists, women’s libbers or the cool guys handle this issue? They say since the commercial workplace enjoys such prestige, women should work there. No more the traditional role for our women – no more changing nappies, no more drudgery. So, one succeeds in liberating one’s wife or sister. In the bargain, the work of the homemaker is passed on to a housemaid. Now looking at this issue at the social level, what about liberation for the maid? So this is hardly the right solution to the problem.

What society needs to do is to re-appraise the role of a homemaker and assign to it, its rightful place, its true value and learn to respect if not venerate, those playing that role.

I worked long years for State Bank of India in its Mumbai Circle. One of the things that most officers dreaded was a transfer to the North-East and they resisted it with every trick in the book. Sick mothers or children popped out of the bag, sudden maladies struck the officer himself in question – serious enough to argue for cancellation of the transfer but not so serious as to risk getting thrown out of the Bank on medical grounds. Interestingly, when an officer was transferred from NE to Mumbai, far from resistance, s/he felt only excitement.

Now rationally speaking, the officer in either case has to move the same distance and is put to equal hardship in finding a house, a school and in the bad old days, even a gas connection. But the difference is when you go on transfer to Mumbai you are perceived to be making progress; you are going to the commercial capital. Never mind that you are also going to suffer those daily free massages in Mumbai’s famed suburban trains. On the contrary, NE is labeled as a hardship posting by the Bank itself and the general view is that you will not learn anything. The transfer orders are usually accompanied by specific dates on which to report at Guwahati and dire warnings to stick to those dates. I must also add that in my long career, there was only one case of an officer doing the unthinkable – refusing a foreign posting – and he genuinely had a sick mother to look after.

The moral of the story is perception is all-important; it shapes our preferences. Which is why I say: re-appraise the role of a homemaker, make it “cool”. Do I hear some sniggers? A snide remark perhaps: “Ha! Here is an old goat of an MCP painting women into their traditional corners by sanctifying these corners, giving them a halo and making them cool.” Not in the least! I do believe sincerely that once the role is made fashionable, even men will scramble to play it and those women who are by nature inclined to be homemakers will get into the role whole-heartedly. The profession of homemaker will attract the right candidates from both sexes. Let us also understand that in the high-tech world of today, the homemaker can make money too by working from home so that financial independence is ensured.

Can we all work together towards this win-win situation?

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